Sunday, June 14, 2020

Notes from "The Curse of the Good Girl"

I love using the library, and normally the notes I want to take can be copied easily into my journal. But every now and then I find a book that I want to reference again and again. While reading this book I was struck by how much, as a 38 year-old woman, I needed to hear some of these things.

So, I bought a copy and moved all my notes over. Now, a few months ago I had a daydream of doing more than just this blog to share this message but as time has slipped away and I've done nothing with that dream I've decided to at least do this post. Maybe in the future when I reread this book I will do a podcast or a read aloud or Ted Talk but until I figure that out I wanted to share at least this much.

I like the idea that the skills in this book need to be taught and practiced just like anything else...

The message that in the Good Girl culture we avoid conflict because it can damage the relationship is pretty important to understand, but men don't necessarily act like this. You can tell someone that something that is important to you without it damaging the relationship (or at least it shouldn't, it will take a while for even the woman you talk to learns to accept that a criticism of an action is not a put down of the person, necessarily.)

I want to teach this more specifically to students, thinking about how to make this into a learning opportunity.

I see this, and value the difference - girls need to learn to be more assertive.

This is a great explanation of what the Curse of the Good Girl is:

Learning from our mistakes and confronting a culture of perfectionism is important for all children.

 I see where this is an important thing as an adult to keep in mind, because working with a lot of women (teaching in elementary is still hugely disproportionately female). Sometimes we are unable to move an agenda forward because of all the bickering and back and forth and drudging up the past.

Know thy self. Still good advice even 2500 years later, and it's important for parents and teachers to be pushing students to be demonstrating mastery or understanding from a place of personal ownership and responsibility... if you figure out how to do that, please help me!

I'm not saying I loved reading that passage, but I did.

Even in second grade I already see this behavior, the I'll just do it all myself and saying that everyone on the team did a good job! I appreciated how the author was able to point out how this impacts us in the work environment later. It does not help us, it hurts us in fact, not only do we not get recognized for all the things we do and the slack we pick up; but the idea that we are trying to make our coworkers and peers all "friends" so we don't hold them accountable! This is some pretty heavy thoughts.

Playing it safe. Not speaking up in class. The delivery of an idea verses the value of the idea itself.  Not being able to own our strengths (feeling that it would be vain, a serious violation of the Good Girl code).

I love this idea of using the zones of comfort to help students take risks. After identifying areas for them to work in, setting those small steps might be the only way to accomplish those goals.

Good advice to mothers...

Finished reference book with highlights and tabs!!

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